I love the title of this blog, and I even have a shirt with these poignant words across the chest. It's not you, it's me (it's mostly you) truly sums up how we feel when things do not go our way. How often have you analyzed your career and blamed others when you didn't get that promotion but took all the credit when you got the next level up position. The young lady in the picture appears to be conflicted, as if she is trying to decide if it's you or if it's herself.
The truth is, it is always you and not someone else. The first part of the title is the absolute truth. You are and have always been in control of your destiny and career. How you prepare and how hard you work towards your goals directly impact your success. My mentor, Bob Davis, taught me this valuable lesson early on in our relationship. He first told me this almost 40-years ago! In 2019 when I told him that I was starting my own consulting company, he said it to me again, "Michael, you are in control of your career. There is nothing better than having 100% control and being the boss of you." Those words reassured me that I was making the right move.
This blog is not about me nudging you to start your own business. It's about setting goals, working hard, and achieving your dreams. Every step of the way towards accomplishing your goals will have challenges, threats, and opportunities. How you respond will be the difference in success or failure.
Setting goals and creating a vision on how to achieve them is the easy part; anyone can do that. I would even argue that working on your action plan is also easy. The hard part is about dealing with the threats, challenges, and obstacles in your path. There will be visible challenges, and those become easier to navigate with time and experience. The unseen roadblocks are the ones that will test you the most. When you face that first impediment, the easiest thing to do is blame someone else. "I did not get that promotion because my manager dislikes me." That is human nature to seek affirmation at the expense of others. Champions do not look at it that way. They instead question themselves and ask, "What could I have done more of to secure that promotion? Was I truly ready for the next level? I will be ready the next time." Champions go one step further. They sit down with their manager and ask them for feedback, so when the opportunity arises, they are prepared and ready to secure that promotion.
Every successful person will tell you they learned from their failures. Great leaders will also share their story on being humbled before they could reach their full potential. I do not look at weaknesses and threats the same way others do. I do not believe in weaknesses or threats. Instead, I view them as opportunities to learn a new skill or show someone what you are capable of accomplishing. Failures are opportunities to regroup and assess what happened and what you can do to prepare for the next time you face that same challenge or a similar one. It is like a rookie pitcher in the major leagues, and the first time he faces a future hall of famer and gives up a home run. The superstar first swung at a pitch to entice the rookie to throw the same pitch, and when that same pitch comes, it is crushed over the fence for a long home run. Rest assured, the pitcher will learn from that failure and not repeat the pitch.
You will come across naysayers, backstabbers, and just plain old ugly people (not looks but personality) during your career. The one thing that will be constant is you. If you are grounded and have values that you follow, these people cannot negatively impact you. The environment at the office does not make you react unless you want to respond. Stay free of the drama, and you will always know you can walk away with your head held high. If the backstabbers prevent your next big promotion, do not look at it negatively. Instead, seek that promotion somewhere else. Why would you want to continue to work in a place that allows backstabbers to do their dirty work? If you settle and stay, then it's on you, not them.
As you navigate life, work and career, learn to put things into perspective. Learn to evaluate how you reacted to the situation. For example, if you get cut off by another car on your morning commute, and you're still angry and having a miserable day, and it's lunchtime, that's on you.
I will end with this piece of advice. Every Friday, I have time blocked off on my calendar for self-reflection. During this time, I review the week and take notes (physically or mentally) on what transpired, how I reacted, what I learned, and what I will do differently. Self-reflection puts the burden back on my shoulders because it's me, not you. My advice to you is to do the same, block off time and start self-reflecting.
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